Tatawa Muna Tayo - 2007/09/13 20:54
AnG KaNdiLa
~~~
Pag uwi ni Pablo sa bahay nila , masayang sinabi ng asawang si Toyang,"Sweetheart, delayed ako ng isang buwan. Kagagaling ko lang sa doktor. Pero huwag mong sabihin ito kahit na kanino, baka mapahiya lang ako kapag di nagkatotoo."
Kinaumagahan, may kumatok na kolektor ng taga-Meralco sa pintuan ng bahay nila . Pagbukas sa pinto, sabi ng kolektor, "Ale, delayed ho kayo ng isang buwan." Nagulat si Toyang, "Kanino mo nalaman ito?" tanong niya. "Nandito ho nakasulat sa records namin," sagot ng taga-meralco.
Kinabukasan, pinuntahan ni Pablo ang opisina ng Meralco. Galit na tinanong sa receptionist.
"Paano niyo nalaman na delayed ng isang buwan ang misis ko?
"Huminahon po kayo, Mister!", sagot ng receptionist. "Konting pasensya lang. Kung gusto niyong mawala sa records namin ito, magbayad na lang kayo."
"Eh, kung ayaw kong magbayad?" patigas na sagot ni Pablo."
Puputulan ho kayo," sagot ng receptionist.
"Kung puputulan ako, anong gagamitin ng misis ko?", tanong ni Pablo.
Sagot ng receptionist, "Pwede naman siyang gumamit ng kandila di ba?"
Italian Sausage
Pumasyal si Erap sa Italy at nagpunta sa isang store para bumili ng sausage :
ERAP : Hi der , Du yu hev any Italian Sausage?
CLERK : Let me guess, you're NOT Italian.
ERAP : Yes, yu are korek ,i am a Pilipino.
CLERK : Let me guess, you are the former President of the Philippines.
ERAP : Wow, Haw did you guess?
CLERK : Because this is a hardware store ! ~~~
Subject Science
Titser:Our lesson for today is Science...What is science?
Pedro:Maam!!!MaaM!!!!Ako mam alam ko answer!!!
Titser:Yes Pedro What is science?!!!
Pedro:Maam!! Science is our lesson for today!!!
ilibing ang diyos!!!
isang araw madre naliligo at nakita ng padre:
Clock
Q:anong tawag sa clock na matanda na at my pendulum?
A:grandfather's clock
Q:eh anong twag sa nakasabit?
A: wall clock
Q:eh ung nanggigising sa umaga?
A:alarm clock
Q:eh ung nasa garden?
A:BULAK_CLOCK
Spanish wow!
SPANISH POEM el papa la bomba y mama de cama tres beses birada con todo romansa el papa pagod na el mama gusto pa el papa tacas na porque manoy laylay na!
Mangumpisal
Pari:anong kasalanan mo anak.
Anak:father nagnakaw po ako.
Pari:aba masama yan!ano pa?
Anak:Father nanuntok po ako.
Pari:Naku masama rin yan anak wag mo na ulitin yan.ano Pa?
Anak:Father ni-rape ko po yung kapitbahay namin?
Pari:NAKU ANAK MASARAP YAN!!!!
tips for a happy marriage
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, then comes good food and companionship. She goes onTuesdays. I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. Then she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me "In the Lake."
8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"
10. Remember. Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. Statistically, 100% of all divorces start with marriage.
12. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was always.
13. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
14. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
who is yummier?
Maid: Sir sinong mas yummy? si mam ba o ako?
Sir: Syempre naman ikaw day! bakit?
Maid: Naguguluhan lang po kasi ako eh... sabi kasi ng driver,
eh mas yummy daw talaga si mam!
SHORT OF CASH
~~~~~~~~~~
Harry and his wife are having hard financial tmes, so they decide she'll become a hooker. She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, " Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you've got a question, i'll be parked around the corner."
After five minutes, a guy pulls up and says, " How much?" She says, "A hundred dollars." He says, " ****, all i've got is thirty dollars. " She says, "Hold on."
She runs back to Harry and says, "What can he get for thirty dollars?" Harry says, "A hand job."
She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollars is a hand job. He says okay! She gets in the car, he unzips his pants, and out pops a simply HUGE male unit. She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "Ill be right back."
She runs back around the corner and says breathlessly," Harry, can you loan this guy seventy bucks?"
Cannibal Fruit Test
Cannibals captured three men who were lost in the forest. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples."
The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy.
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"
The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."
Bawas kurakot
1st guy:" Pare, magandang balita. Nabawasan ang kurakutan sa gobyerno, thanks to Gloria."
2nd guy:" Talaga? Paanong ginawa niya?"
1st guy:" Pina-punta sa Amerika yung kanyang mag-ama at si Garci eh itinago sa U.K."
NIVEA MILK
nagpadala ng parcel si mister kay misis sa Pilipinas at nang sumulat si misis kay mister. Love, Thank you nga pala sa pinadala mong parcel at natanggap na namin ng mga anak mo.Gustong-gusto ng mga anak natin yung rubbershoes na Adido at Mikee.Sana sa susunod na magpadalaka huwag ka ng bumili ng"Nivea Milk" ayaw ng mga bata,mapait daw.Kaya inubos ko na lang...
Love
Sweetheart
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